Have To Start Hating You

Fell in love with you

Wanted to marry you

But cannot marry you

Have to marry someone else

Have to start hating you

Have to get you out of my mind

Have to stop thinking about you

Have to fall out of love with you

Have to forget I loved you

Have to forget you even existed

Have to forget everything about you

Have to forget all my dreams with you

Have to fall in love with another girl

Somehow all over again

But every time I look at her face

I will only see your face

Realise how much I love you

Only when I can't get you

Earlier I couldn't see anything bad in you

Now I shouldn't see anything good in you

Everybody tells me

Listen to your head

And not to your heart

But my head and heart are one

Your face and your smile

Your voice and your laughter

Just fill my head completely

And simply refuse to leave me

My heart is yanked out of my chest

And been ripped into shreds

I have to somehow put it back in

And stitch my chest back together

My love for you then was deep

But my self-pity now is deeper

The only way to claw myself out of this cavern

Is to first reach its bottom

Have to start hating you . . .

This is what happens when a PhD student cannot do his thesis on his favourite subject - and has to do it on another subject.